Partly

I finished knitting the bottom of the baby car seat cover – maybe I should be calling this a car seat cozy?

I crocheted the steeks last night. Which with pregnant swollen hands sucks. It’s like having carpel tunnel. Much worse than knitting. Which is pretty hard to do right now since my fingers go all numb and tingly. uugh.

This afternoon I washed and fulled the knitted tube. It looked pretty open afterward, but I didn’t want to felt it down too small. I stretched it a bit here and there, then hung it over the shower rod to drip dry inside out. I was hoping that it would be dry enough today to cut it open, but it has not been. So then tomorrow. I was planning on starting the top portion tonight, but I fell asleep for 30-45 minutes, and then it was time to make dinner for Libby and myself, since Jim was working and Mark was at a basketball game. Hmmm, I don’t know how his game ended up. He came home upset about a broken zipper on his back pack. Its amazing how much stuff one child can cram into a backpack and then complain that it breaks – and it must be that the item in question is “cheap” and not that the bag was over stuffed…

A friend of mine went into labor err, yesterday. Tonight or so. I should be asleep, since its almost 1 am…. I woke up again this morning not sure if I myself was in labor. The last few days have been rough in the morning, and Jim and I stayed in bed longer than usual. It was almost blissful to have him with me, except that I was very uncomfortable and irritable about it all.  Tonight we watched Eat Pray Love, and it reminded me of Mindfulness. I started to practice this a few years ago in the morning. If I woke up feeling bad, I would start at my toes and work my way up to my scalp. Sort of sorting myself out in the morning I suppose. I could identify what was out of sorts and in what way. Then I could come to terms with it, put it in the back of my mind and ready myself for the day. Acknowledging that maybe my hip hurt and was causing stress to other parts made it simpler to go with it – not necessarily ignoring that my hip hurt- but not letting it get in the way of my day. I could then  enjoy the other parts that felt good and appreciate the other good things in the day.

I really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy. I wanted to stay fit and active. I didn’t realize that I set myself up short by taking a summer school course and I have been playing catch up ever since. Energy wise anyway. Everything else has been pretty darn good. Untill the last few weeks and the winter weather change. I have been too tire to do all the things I liked doing before, and there has been no driving force. I didn’t HAVE TO do any of these things. If I didn’t sleep that night, I would catch up sometime during the day – other wise I knew I could get sick or more run down and start feeling FMS symptoms. I was over cautious. I did catch a few colds after school was out. Overall, I did enjoy the last 9 months, just not the way I had wanted. I do feel rather spoiled.

So tonight while watching the movie in bed with Jim, I found my self rubbing and caressing my baby belly. I have been lucky to avoid most of the stretch marks, but I have some. I have also held on to a lot of fluid. I feel like a balloon. I have been very thirsty the last 9 months. There were a few months that I woke STARVING in the morning, but I didn’t go nuts over food. Except I have been able to eat things I normally can’t – lots of bread. . . anyway, I was looking at things in a different way. I have been the normal body type, what I feel is the sexy goddess type, the overweight sick person, and now the pregnant mother type. Some of these more than once, and never in any particular order.  It’s all just another stage, and I don’t need to be back in the sex goddess body I had before becoming pregnant, but I liked – no LOVED – the way I felt. I wasn’t starving or on a diet. I was very active and eating just right. My hips stayed in alignment and muscles were working together liek they had not in a long time. And I was not too thin – I have been there too where you loose too much weight too fast.

So Ive had all these thoughts tonight. The baby will be here soon, and I need to not feel so pulled/rushed into having her here. Once she is here, not long after she will be off on her own. Everything moves too fast.

So tomorrow I will practice Mindfulness as I start on the top of the baby car seat cozy, and envision it keeping my baby warm and protected from the Wisconsin winter.

And maybe I’ll rub some more lotion on my stomach

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About Elisa

Life changes. Its not easy. I have made a few U turns and found myself Home. Lets see how it goes and maybe throws in some knitting
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